Rest of November

The rest of November proved to be as busy as the first part. We saw the Eakins exhibit and attended a lecture at the PMA and then went over to the Cleopatra exhibit at the Franklin. The former was good and the latter was pretty grim. Too many people, and the audio and written portions did not say the same things. Plus, the bimbos at the entrance were not paying attention at all to the times of the tickets. That probably accounted for the overcrowding. Then there were the toddlers and young kids. Why would you take your youngsters to an obviously NOT "Elizabeth Taylor" type exhibit that truly has some fidelity to the history of the time??? To annoy people who actually care about history?
At any rate, Philadelphia, unlike other major cities really seems far too often to take the low road and do things in a less than professional way. So sad when you compare to what Chicago and NYC do with their exhibits.
We went to the Met Museum of Art to see the Genghis Kahn exhibit, which was truly excellent, and then saw Bernadette Peters in "A Little Night Music" which was OK. I am not a great Sondheim fan anyway, and this story was silly. Although Peters was quite good.
The Polish Cultural Arts Society had their annual formal dinner and we attended. My friend Regina got to present a talk on the two books she has written, and we had a great time. The very next day we joined the same group at the Mazowsze performance at the Kimmel.
We learned to make gnocchi and other pastas at Carlow Cookery -- and then immediately ran out to buy pasta attachments for our Kitchenaid mixer. We made gnocchi for Tara and Mike that weekend. Although they thought that they were good, I thought our Carlow ones turned out better.
Book and Wine club discussion was on The Elegance of the Hedgehog -- very, very stimulating discussion. Seems as though people either hated or loved it. Brian and I both loved it, but we seemed to be in the minority. Really, it was work to read, but if one stuck with it, it was SO worth it.
We went to Shannon's for Thanksgiving. The twins are getting so big and are maturing and developing nicely. It is so much fun to watch them grow and learn! We are truly blessed.

can't believe it's November!

Having a spectacular fall! Carlow Cookery had a great soup “hands on” class. Yummy and it was so much fun to actually DO this time instead of watch – although we love to do both. We took the recipes to Shannon and Jon’s and made one of them for the family for dinner. It made a big hit.
Sandi and Hank were over for dinner. I made an interesting molasses based brisket. So yummy. Alina was over that day, and she indulged with a carvel ice cream cake shaped like a pumpkin. We took her to the zoo the next day, but although she loved the zoo itself, the class Tara had signed her up for was uninteresting and she was bored. Plus she was NOT happy that she had to go to daycare after the class since we had to go to the orchestra.
The performance was another winner. The conductor was a new one and he did a super job with the Ravel Le Tombeau de Couperin piece and a magnificent job with the Musorgsky’s Pictures from an Exhibition/arrangement by Ravel. Fine, fine, fine!
We attended the Polish Arts Society of Trenton’s analysis of “Behind Closed Doors.” Brian and I had already seen most of the documentary, so none of it was particularly enlightening, but the discussion was interesting. Also interesting was how much more the two of us knew about what happened at this time in WW II history than many of the Poles who were there – not the immigrants – they knew. But the Polonia. Guess they were poisoned by their American education.
Went to Charlottesville and stopped to see Monroe’s house along the way. We stayed in the cutest B&B that had super food. Alice and Marshall joined us for dinner and the next day we drove up to their place near the Blue Ridge Parkway. Just splendid. What a gorgeous part of the country.
On our way back from their house we stopped in a microbrewery and bought Jon some boutique beers. Some guy was pretty intrigued with us and he treated us to a taster’s selection of their beers. It kinda reminded me of the time the guys paid for our dinner in Nashville!
We went to Shannon and Jon’s and took the little girls trick or treating. The whole weekend was full of Halloween activities – they actually tired us out and we had to beg off on one party.
We attended two art museum Member’s Only tours. One was great, the other, I swear the poor woman must have had dementia. She rambled and simply made no sense. It was painful to listen to, and we left early to meet Tara, Mike and Alina at lunch.
Just got back from Chicago where we visited with Linda and Ken. What fun it was to see them again! We went to a beastly expensive restaurant for a 20 course meal with wine pairing. The meal took 3 hours and it was unbelievable. The NY Times actually rates Alinea as their #1 pick for Chicago restaurants – they are correct. It was a gustatory, auditory, olfactory feast for the senses – with a great deal of whimsy. We almost fainted when we got the bill, but it was worth it as one of those once in a lifetime treats.
We took in the Art Institute for 4 hours and went window shopping on the Miracle Mile. On the way back we met a lovely couple with similar interests and we will be getting together with them soon. He’s a journalist and she’s a banker, so she enjoyed talking with Brian and he and I really hit it off. It’s so exhilarating to talk with people who are up to date and well informed.
I once had an acquaintance say that the news was too depressing and never read it. How can you live without being aware of your surroundings -- or even have an opinion to vote if you don't read the paper??? Oh well, this guy Tom, reads 6 a day. Better informed than me.

October update

Oh what a few weeks!
So, Ok, Brian liked Canada and I did not. Boring. He liked the history – and I, who like European history, and think North American history is dreadfully uninteresting, did not agree. Quebec was lovely – Ottowa had nice architecture – other than that, I am not sure that glass high rises are really my thing. Toronto sucked from an aesthetic point of view. Niagara Falls was not nearly as big as I remembered from when I was a kid. Big, but not AS big.
Luckily we met some wonderful folks – a couple from N.C, and a couple from Australia who were worth the trip. Great people and, since we plan to go to Australia in the next two years, they are a great contact. And friendly and intelligent.
Other than that it has been the usual whirlwind of activities. Our library book club started up at full speed again when David came back from his shore haunts. Discussion back on track and sparkling.
Alina spent two nights and we took her to the Philly Zoo. OK – nothing compares to the San Diego Zoo. Since I saw that zoo, all the rest have paled in comparison. But she loved it.
Went to the symphony and the orchestra played selections from Dutilleux, Liszt, and Prokofiev. OMIGOD was it a wonderful performance. We were mesmerized. Also went to the first opera performance which was Othello. Just OK – fairly weak voices. The soprano playing Desdemona saved it.
Did a presentation for the MA Dept of Mental Health in Worcester on my restraint issue material and then we did a B&B day plus a trip to the Museum of Russian Icons. Wow is all I can say. The museum is a little gem in the middle of MA nowheresville. We had the docent to ourselves and I was so entranced for the two hours that I nearly drooled. He just made it completely come alive for us. Otherwise it would have just been plain old pretty icons – with gold and silver.
Had dinner with Ted and Mary – Golly can she bake. She made an apple pastry that was so divine it could have ascended to heaven.
We had a Kosciuszko Foundation fundraiser at our home. Oh my! What fun and what a great group of folks. We had a Kosciuszko actor who was fabulous for the show (and his page) and wonderful Chopin music plus Polonaise dance lessons. Raised lots of $ and had one hell of a good time.

Activities galore

So, the kids and grandkids are gone and it's just us! Boy are they growing up fast. Alina is definitely Dziadzio's little girl and Sophie is mine. Jacqueline is an equal opportunity grandchild.
We took the twins to the Polish festival at Czestochowa twice before they left. OMIGOSH did they have fun watching the dancers and dancing. It was hard to get them to leave. Thought we would see Ken and Bill and Rose/Jay there but didn't. Saw lots of folks from our Polish organizations though. Brian and I volunteered for two shifts at the Styka art exhibit and had some interesting conversations with the members of the Polonia.
The Romiszewskis and Pettis were over for Labor Day before Shannon and the twins left. We had great weather and a super picnic. I made Lori's lemon chicken which Brian grilled. It was definitely as good as hers and it made a big hit. The twins were on their very best behavior and all thought that they were little angels HA!
Went to our library book club where I presented Dog Boy and Brian presented more than one history book -- as usual. The book and wine meeting was loads of fun as usual and A Happy Marriage by Iglesias provoked MUCH conversation. One of the newer members -- probably will not last long with this group -- proved to be a very needy and self-referential angry guy. He was angry at his kid, his ex-wife. I can see why she is an EX! It was all me, me, me. I suspect he's a short timer. The group won't tolerate the narcissim and it was obvious that he was annoying folks. Too bad, because we could use more men in our club. I'll have to try to recruit some.
Went to see Sandy and Hank at the beach for two days. The weather was so gorgeous. I do think that fall is the best time to go to the shore. Not only are there no crowds but the weather is not so beastly hot.
The Motameds had their end of summer party -- smaller this year. We really do enjoy meeting his former buddies from Chubb. It gives us something completely different to talk about from our usual. It's so interesting to hear how high execs in corporate America view the world.
I started my creative writing class. The instructor is a complete jerk and I am wondering if I am going to get anything out of this. He spent the first hour pontificating about -- me, me, me, my, my, my and rambling. I finally got completely bored stiff and tried twice to re-direct him to what the heck he was going to teach us. It really amazed me that no one else tried to do that. What a bunch of wimps. Hey you guys are paying for this and you are NOT paying for someone to ramble about nothing of importance or interest. Want to pontificate, write a blog! Later several people thanked me for my intervention, but it all left a strange taste in my mouth. On the one hand I am turned off by him, on the other, I am disgusted by people's passivity.
We're off to Canada for 10 days -- a trip I've been looking forward to for a long time. Lots of great French food and culture.

a very frazzled August

A more than frantic August! Wow, we have been busy, busy. We attended the museum tour and lecture about armor, which surprisingly was very good. Went to Carlow for a streets food cooking class, which was GREAT!!! Carlow Cookery is my new favorite place to go for a casual evening!
Had a small do with incompatible acquaintances that turned into a big and less than pleasant do. We have not had many events where we invite folks together for dinner parties like we did in the past – probably will have less now. I think we will continue to meet and arrange larger groups at restaurants or public venues the way that we’ve been doing. Safer. Perhaps people tend to behave themselves – drink less because they have to pay for meal/booze themselves. Perhaps home is a safer place than public to act out. High maintenance, needy friends. Arggh! I have enough trouble managing myself for goodness sakes.
Alina ran us ragged before Shannon came with the kids but it was a good ragged.
We went to the Kosciuszko Fnd. Fundraiser concert. It sounds as though they are happy to have volunteers to help out with their events. The musicians were pleasant, but not perfect. But it was about the evening itself, not perfection.
Shannon came with the twin crew and we have been trying to keep them busy and give her a break. Both Brian and I are feeling our age, as well as our propensity to be set in our ways! But they are so damn cute and turning into little people.
The few days that Alina was here with them were TRULY hectic. We had a photographer out with them to try and get family photos of all three. Thank goodness for children’s photographers because I would be pulling out my hair. Alina did not like him and the twins were less than pleased as well. I am hoping that he managed to pull off some cute shots though.
Brian and Shannon did Carlow’s tomato and corn class and we now have Shannon as a tomato convert. She had always hated them in the past – vestiges of being raised in W. Texas for so many years where the produce sucked.
Joined Sandi, Hank, and Ashley with the crew at the shore for 3 days – or as the girls called it – the “bitch.” They loved playing in the waves and sand, although J. was much more adventurous than Sophie. Ashley was a god send. They loved her.
We took a hiatus from the Thornburgs last weekend and took ourselves to Avalon with the Tulmans and the Simpsons. As always we had a wonderful time. Avalon is my all time favorite beach. Bitch??
So, September is upon us and I don’t feel a bit rested and the calendar is packed, packed, packed already. Looking so forward to our Canadian vacation – where it will be cool and less hectic!

things

Can things make you happy? Finally, studies that confirm what I have suspected for a while and all point to one conclusion: spending money for an experience – concert tickets, French lessons, sushi-rolling classes, a hotel room in Monaco – produces longer lasting satisfaction than spending money on plain old stuff. Whereas most physical goods tend to lose their appeal as the purchaser becomes accustomed to them, experiences strengthen social bonds and pay dividends over time. We reminisce about them, talk about them and even the most hellish of vacations or road trips turn out to be money well spent.

guest aggravation

Good grief! This is the second time in recent memory that I have had a guest who had too much to drink get belligerent and obnoxious to another guest. The first time was in a discussion with my son in law, Mike, who was opining on a perfectly legitimate topic regarding end of life decisions and got clobbered verbally by a friend who took offense and took Mike’s opinion personally. Poor Mike – not only was he taken aback by the vitriol, but as far as I was concerned he was correct in his views. The other day’s fiasco concerned health care reform and a friend, who is pretty opinionated, not backing off on his views when it was clear that the other guest had one that was opposite to his. Arghh! I thought fisticuffs would result!
When I select guests I always want to choose an interesting mix of characters, but how to make sure they will all get along? It doesn’t do to invite people who are known to clash with other dinner guests or cause heated debates. No one wants tension at a dinner party. But how to predict this? I want my dinner parties to be lively, stress-free events, and invite guests who are good conversationalists, especially those who are known to bring along their sense of humor. But how to predict? We often have folks who disagree with our politics, and we simply do not get into debates with them, knowing that they hold opinions that we won’t change – nor do we want to. That seems to work well. When we get close to a topic that seems touchy, we simply change it. Although I don’t know why we can’t have a reasoned discussion about controversial topics, it just does not work most of the time.
So, I now know that I won’t invite those two folks with others, as once is one time too much as far as I am concerned. They now go on the short left side of my guest list that is reserved for people to have by themselves to dinner. Oh well, live and learn.

July doings

Another month of whirlwind activites. Grace and Jan had a 4th of July party with fireworks watching at their house. Grace has such talent putting together a beautiful dinner party. The food was wonderful and the presentation was sublime! The woman should have been a stager of events! Of course the company was wonderful as well and it was great to see Jan on his feet and healthy again. Went to Sandy and Hanks for the day at LBI during a cooler day this month and the shore was gorgeous. We really lucked out on the weather. Empty nesters were over for a swim and picnic and that was a nice evening and we saw Barbara and Gene in NJ at the Spanish Tavern. I love those two and will never forget our bonding at our ill fated Ukranian adventure. I'd only opt to be with them in a ship wreck!
I went to one of the writer's group meetings and that was a bust. No one but the organizer and me knew anything about writing. I told her that I did not need to be in English comp 101 where people could not move an argument forward in a linear way. And I quit.
Alina was over for 3 days and then a weekend this month. What a chatterbox! Now she is beginning to chatter in Polish as well as English.
We also attended her 2nd birthday party. Must have been the hottest day of the year in Philly that day. I melted -- and so did she. After 2 hours, she asked to go home and when we took her there, she actually asked for a nap. I know how she felt.
Went to see Second City at the Philadelphia Theatre Company. Very funny show. Sephen Colbert is a graduate of Second City. It looks as though the PTC has an interesting season scheduled and I think we may go for season tickets as all of the shows sound good.
We went to the Constantine Tapestries collection tour at the museum and found it to be surprisingly intersting. I had not been enthusiastic about that one, but goes to show you that you should never pre-judge. It turns out to be one of the more interesting tours we've taken and both of us learned a lot. Afterward we stopped to visit an old friend that we hadn't seen for a while in Philly and we remembered why we distanced ourselves. Lordy, life is way too short to be with negative people. Plus, I remember that relationship -- it was one of those 90% us and 10% her, consistently. I felt lucky to get outta there without a cloud over my head!
Motameds and Rohovskys came to dinner. I FINALLY managed to get the 4 if them and us together after trying for two years. Had a great time and it was super to see that they were such a good match considering that we all live so close.
Bill and Ken came over for a swim and cheese/wine. It's been a while since we've gotten together with them. Will have to have them over when Shannon and the twins are here in August/Sept.
We went to Carlow Cookery and took a class on grilling fish. That was our first cookery class and we had SO much fun. We definitely will do that again. There were about 20 students and it was a really congenial class. Sampling all that food (all 5 dishes) was the highlight. The only one I didn't like that well was salmon, but I only like wild salmon for the most part. Actually, that was the first time in 6 months that I went back on my resolution to not eat seafood. I am really concerned about the overfishing and the fact that we are gobbling tuna AND that it has become an endangered species. Besides, when I think about what is being dumped into the ocean, I cringe.
We took a road trip to Bushkill falls, where I hadn't been since I was a little girl. It was a great hike, but the falls were a lot less impressive than they were from what I remember as a child. Things do seem smaller when one grow up. Funny thing about that.
Last week we went to NYC to the Met's Costume Institute and to see The Adam's Family with Nathan Lane. The Met exhibit was the best that I've seen there over the years -- and we've seen many exhibits there. The Adam's Family was really cute. Nathan Lane was good -- as always. And the actress that played Morticia was spectacular.
My facebook is yeilding some surprising results. I am connecting with some old friends and think now that we actually might have a reunion for the 50th. I also have been connecting with folks who have the same interests as I do and this has been the best part of this social networking site. I have become good buddies with a woman who has the same background as I do. Her father was deported to Siberia and he lived in the same town as my father. We are meeting face to face in October. I'm glad that I didn't let the drivel that some people post turn me off -- turning off is the purpose of unfriending!
So, this looks forward to another great month. Shannon and the twins will be here into September. I look forward to my time teaching Polish to the twins.
The only downer is that September -- and hence the beginning of the semester -- is upon us. Oh well, just another year of UMDNJ left.

Hot summer!

Holy Cow is it hot and DRY! We have no rain and everything is wilting. Including me. But, as the so called conservatives tell us – there is no climate change. What are we leaving as a legacy for future generations?
Well, we continue to be busy and happy in our busy-ness. Went back to Tastebuds with friends last week and it was better than I remember AND we could have a decent conversation. Went to Inn at Phillips Mill with neighbors, Tom and Chris. Another good meal, but it was a bit noisy. For some reason there were a TON of people there. Got to keep down the restaurants to once or twice a week otherwise we will be sorry.
We went to Via Ponte with Ken and Bill. It turned out to be a bad choice. We’d been there with Przem and Jola but not on Trivia Night and thought it was just ok. It was loud and chaotic. I had to remind them to bring water. Brian’s appetizer was good and both of our entrees were good – not great but good, but the general incompetence was unacceptable. So it got a strike two and it’s off our radar screen.
Joined Sandi and Hank and Lori and Ashley at Harvey Cedars. The weather was DEEVINE and Lori made the BEST lemon chicken I have ever had.
I am moving forward on the book for LWW and am done with all but 2 of my chapters. Now time to farm out the rest. The Wiley book – I think – has been put to rest. Joan tried to get me to do some clinical vignettes, but I declined. They can pull them from Allan’s big book. I have been spending way too much time in my office in front of the computer.
I get to where I crave activity of some kind after a morning of writing and an afternoon on catching up on reading by the pool. Anything – even a walk in New Hope or Lahaska or a trip to B&N to check out the new book offerings. Wish Brian would play Scrabble with me! One of the few games I like, besides Super Quiz. That would be kinda fun on the deck. I need to find a Scrabble partner. Maybe Shannon when she gets here in August.
July 4 is upon us. Grace is having a Pagoda party tomorrow and we are having the Empty Nesters picnic on Sunday. The week after the 4th is beginning to fill up – I have my first Writers’ Group meeting on Tuesday in Philly, and the next week Alina is coming for 3 days.
We need it to cool down AND we need rain!

Whew!

Haven’t posted much lately. I guess our project to fill time productively and happily is working a bit too well!
May saw us going on a Natural Habitat trip to Bryce Canyon, the north rim of the Grand Canyon, and Zion National Park. Bryce was magical. Go on my facebook page to see absolutely stunning photos of the red hoo-doos. The national park service, however, has a long way to go before they learn how to evaluate the food service to which they farm out contracts. The food, wine and service was pretty mediocre. The north rim was disappointing in that I thought that there would be something different that we hadn’t seen at the south rim. Alas, it is the same but with fewer people. Majestic but the same views. The lodge was better than that at Bryce though. Zion was absolutely stunning as well. One can say that Bryce is lacy and dainty, but Zion is massive and Baroque. The vistas were amazing and the National Park service is doing a great job of controlling the tourists. We stayed outside the park. The accommodations were pretty darn good and where we ate was excellent for being stuck out in the middle of nowhere in Utah! The people on the trip were interesting and intelligent. I like this about NH trips. The travelers are a real cut above and the ratio is 10 travelers to one guide. Perfect. We thoroughly enjoyed the folks, except for one quasi handicapped lady who had no business on a trip that clearly advertizes that one has to hike – up and down steep hills in high altitudes – 5 -10 miles a day. She complained at the end that she hadn’t gotten her money’s worth. HELLLLO – if you can’t walk well from here to the end of the block, you ain’t gonna be able to hike down Bryce and back up. Go on a bus tour.
All in all though a wonderful trip with Natural Habitat. We truly bonded with most of the group and the guides were fantastic, arranging campfires with marshmallows and ghost stories, as well as wine and cheese at the bank of a river in Zion.
It was a good time to get outta town because I finally got to testify in the suicide case. It’s only been 2006 since the suit was filed! We lost. Hopelessly out-lawyered. It was such a good plaintiff case, yet the solo practitioners were so in over their heads that they put on a poor case. The defense lawyers were not all that great either in my opinion, but they were sharper than the ones who hired me. That’s it. No more solo practitioners. They simply do not have the resources to put on a good case the way that big firms do.
Interesting about that case. The judge was a guy who I went to high school with. He was voted cutest, best looking and all that good stuff. He was. He is not now. Has not aged well at all and he had no earthly idea who I was. Ah time. The great equalizer.
We visited the twins and their parents for the twins second birthday. They got matching tricycles and we got very cute photos! It was beastly hot in North Carolina! Come to think of it, it is beastly hot here.
Came back to a deposition in a case that I have had since 2004. So much for quick justice. I had been deposed by this jerk before and he didn’t get the answers he wanted, I guess, so he petitioned the judge in Illinois to re-depose. He stupidly wasted his time going over stuff that he’d gone over before and didn’t seem to “get it” that I was not going to answer questions the way that he wanted me to. What a tiresome attorney. Either very arrogant or unwilling to change his tactics because they’d worked for him in the past, I guess. Everyone wound up screaming at each other. The court reporter told me it was the worst dep she had ever been in. Me too. Gosh I hope the darn thing settles. I really don’t want to go to court with this jerk cross examining me.
Since we’ve been back, I put the final touches on the Wiley book and that one is in production now. I also met with my Lippincott team and we are in the process of updating that text, which will be in its 8th edition. Last too. I have no more texts in me and with retirement looming there are so many more interesting things I want to do.
I joined a writers group in Philly. We meet 2 x a month to share ideas and to critique each other’s work. It is time for me to tell the story of my parents. I’ve been encouraged to do that by so many folks, I have finally decided to take the plunge. Trouble is that I am a great academic writer, but no experience in anything else but that. I am hoping that the writers will help me break some bad habits!
We were at the opera last week to see Orpheus and Eurydice. Very good performance. Trouble is that we had to change our tickets to accommodate another show and had to take evening instead of matinee. Not being evening/night owls it was hard to stay awake on the way home. BORING old coots that we are.
We also saw Avenue Q with Ashley. It was her Xmas present and we had a blast. It was a very, very cute show. Some great lines. We took her out to the Yardley Inn for dinner afterward. Always a consistently good place to eat in Bucks County.
Ted and Mary came over to celebrate his birthday and our 41st anniversary. The Tulmans and Simpsons came over to celebrate Lorraine and Allan’s second grandson. Sandy and Hank came over to barbeque and swim. Grace had a birthday party for “the girls” to celebrate her 60th. Needless to say, she put on a great luncheon -- champagne, great food and party favors.
We’ve been busy with our two book clubs and empty nester’s group. The book clubs have really made us stretch our brains. Both of them are so different. The Doylestown bunch is younger. I think we are the oldest – surprisingly they listen to our “wisdom” and feedback. Don’t know whether they are being polite or what. The New Hope library bunch are older. We pool our aged collective wisdom. They are truly a well read and exceedingly well informed group. We don’t agree on everything, but it is fun to debate in a civil way respecting others’ points of view and having them respect yours – with grace.
Empty nesters is a fluffy group. No intellectual stretching there, but we have fun doing things. We meet to do interesting activities a couple of times a month. Robin finds the most off-beat things to do. What I really like about this group of friends is that they are all so positive and they keep us UP! We laugh a lot and have resolved to stay happy and stimulate our endorphins. I have decided that life is way too short to be down and to deal with negative and sour people who drain your enthusiasm. This bunch feeds your enthusiasm. Robin has the coolest way of turning everything into a positive. I noticed that we did have some downers who thought that this was a support group and they didn’t last long. No one wanted to hear them kvetch about life. They’re gone.
Tara is visiting with Alina and a friend from prep school this weekend. I haven’t seen Mihee in 8 years. It will be great to see her again. She wants to see the tile works in Doylestown. So this will be my10 trip there. Every time someone new comes to visit, they have to see the tile works. Sigh. It’s only for a couple of hours.
Here’s to a great summer. Next week we have a museum of art class; July 4 weekend is full of barbeques and activities and Brian made reservations to see The Adams Family in Manhattan in late July. Between all of this AND keeping up with the extended family in Poland who knows where the time goes? But it is FILLED! Whew!

having fun

We continue on our project to make our end of life years richer and fuller. We finished up our course on cubism, which we both enjoyed but I think that Brian will definitely have to take a survey course in art history. Both of us will at the community college when I turn 65 next year. BCC has a program for seniors where you can audit what you want for free after age 65. Because I did all of that enrichment activity to keep myself sane by taking all of those art history, literature and so forth courses during my "lost years" in Midland, Texas, I was able to put more of what the professor said in the context of what else was going on in the art world during that time. It is interesting to bring together economy, politics, architecture, music and see how they intersect in the Zeitgeist of the times.
One Sunday we went to a B&B event in Flemington where they paired chocolate and wine. Oh my gosh were the chocolates wonderful. So were the wines, but I didn't really think that the vitner and the chocolatier did a great job of pairing. Some of the pairings were a bit jarring and some actually worked well. But we met a bunch of folks who were really, really pleasant, and the hosts were fantastically friendly people.
That same week we went to the Kantha exhibit and lecture at the Museum of Art. These members only tours and lectures are so informative. I would never be able to see or know the meaning and significance of some of the works that we have seen without them. The Kanthas were exquisite and so very detailed. That same day we were off to the Wilma to see Language Games, a new play. The Wilma is funny. The plays we have attended there are either fabulous or we have walked out at intermission. They are always thought provoking and edgy new works. This one was great and particularly interesting for an immigrant. It concerned a young man who is an ethnic Arab, whose father emigrated to the U.S. when the young man was age 3 years so that his family could have a better life. His son becomes an interrogator/torturer in what we are to understand to be Guantanamo. His father is arrested on suspicion of terrorist activity and brought to the prison and comes face to face with his son to be interrogated. What a powerful play. We stayed for the discussion, which we thought would be at a higher level. We were surprised at the concrete interpretations of this spectacular play. No one seemed to "get" the central theme of dialectic -- things turning into their opposite. E.g. Egyptian father's expectations of a better opportunity for his son by immigrating, and his son becoming an interrogator/torturer for the U.S. The African American psychiatrist turning into his opposite and the formerly oppressed becoming the oppressor. This plus the subthemes of destroying an identity by destroying a people's language and others makes this a powerful play for the thoughtful.
The next evening we saw Graham Greene's Travels With My Aunt, which was a superb performance and the theatre was packed for this oldie but goodie. My only complaint is that it was in the Walnut Street Theatre's smaller venue and the chairs are uncomfortable and too close to each other. Coupled with the fact that all I could get was evening tickets and we usually go to matinees because we get sleepy driving home, and there was an accident on 95, I was cranky by the time we arrived back in New Hope.
We drove down to visit Shannon, Jon and the twins in N.C. and saw Daryl, Dina, Amy and Mark as well. A very fun visit. We really like Jon's family a lot. They are always so gracious and inclusive. The little girls are no longer babies! How time flies. Both of them are talking much and so different from each other. Sophie is a thoughtful little scholar who loves her "Bacz" and Jacqueline is most definitely her Dziadzio's little girlie girl.
One of our book clubs had its meeting about Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho. Blach. We were the only members of the club to not like this over-rated pabulum. I panned it on Goodreads but found that we were in a minority there as well.
The pool work got done this week. Glad to have those workmen out of our hair. The gardens are exploding and the property is gorgeous. It is always at its best in the spring I think.
We've been running from one activity to another as this blog attests. We took in Alice in Wonderland and thought it was far superior to Avatar. We ate Chinese afterward which was mediocre despite the 30 minute wait to get in at 5 pm on a Thursday. Last night we met our empty nesters at Bobby Simones, a local restaurant, and ended the week with a bang.
Next week I have to testify at a trial, which kind of ruins my whole week being on call. But Brian has errands and has to go to the audiologist, so I guess I may as well work.
The university becomes more and more of a pain in the rear. The dean asked me to spearhead multidisciplinary grand rounds at the medical school on April 29. I have 5 people: a psychiatrist, an epidemiologist, a physical therapist, a biochemist, and myself. Since January only the shrink -- buddy Andy Levitas -- has come through with any content or work with me on this. Just my ambition in life - to play nursemaid to a bunch of people with their doctorates making sure they get their stuff done. Like herding cats.
Then the office of ethics and compliance is running after faculty for us to take mandatory courses and answer intrusive questions. Like "do you do any volunteer activity?" I told them it was none of their business what I did in my spare time and Andy told them to shove their ethics course ...
A man after my own heart!
Every time I turn around there is another mandatory diversity, cultural sensitivity, HIPPA, organ donation course that they want you to take. Then our brilliant dean for grad studies came up with the idea of having all faculty teaching in graduate courses to send her a report of what courses they taught, the # of the course, the section, the names of the students, and their grades for the semester. Hmm. I was under the impression that the registrar's office does this. So yet another mindless piece of work for the faculty -- and then they bitch that people are not producing scholarship. Go figure. ONLY TWO SEMESTERS TO GO!!!
It continues to be very quiet without our kitties. It is so strange to come home and find it empty. We really miss them, but won't get another pet until we stop traveling. We have some big trips planned in the next several years.
I am having a heck of a good time corresponding with the extended family in Poland and the U.K. Especially fun is discussing issues with the younger generation. They are so darn cute!

death in family

So, sad news -- but perhaps not. Yesterday Brian's father died suddenly while on a trip to the Grand Canyon with his wife, Jill. One minute he was looking at it and the next he had simply died. She was pretty distraught when she called Brian last night. Of course, he being the only rationale and empathic member out of a toxic crew of 6, he was asked to call all of them to pass on the news. Being the kind person that he is, he did, although it was not a whole lot of fun. Glad that is over and I really feel for Jill to have to go back and undoubtedly be treated abominably by the wicked stepdaughters. I cringe for her.
So, how do I feel about all of this? I am glad that my father-in-law did not suffer. If one does not depart this life in one's sleep, one should depart as suddenly and painlessly as Jack did. I really feel bad for Brian on many levels. He loved his father and his father loved him in his own strange way. He will mourn his passing and miss having him in his life.

Katyn -- the gift that keeps giving

Yesterday we awoke to find that Poland's leadership was decimated in a tragic plane crash on the way to a memorial commemorating the victims of the Katyn forest murders. Being a bit paranoid on the issue of Russia, I defaulted to my position that they must have had something to do with it. Sabatoge. Of course that is a bit crazy. But I think that we need to spread the word about what Katyn was and why it is important. So I highly recommend learning about this nasty piece of history. University of Illinois professor, Allen Paul, has a great book out on the topic. He has recently updated it. Also, the film, Katyn is exceedingly powerful. Katyn is now available with English subtitles. It is a film by Andrzej Wajda, one of the world’s greatest filmmakers, who shows generations of his countrymen – (and the rest of the world) what they were told not to think about. With its mournful score, muted cinematography and restrained performances, this is a work of sober commemoration. Hopefully it brings some small measure of rest to the 22,000 innocents who were slaughtered by the Soviets for no other reason than to purge Poland of its intelligentsia. It is a story of personal legends, of unknown soldiers and civilians. Wajda unravels their various narrative strands, like a desperately ripped flag, a national tragedy doesn’t cease, it haunts.
The collective, spiritual crisis of post war Poles is sharpened by the introduction of documentary footage, juxtaposed with children looking for a Christmas tree during the Occupation then an open-air screening of propaganda films absolving Russia of the Katyn massacre. Wajda confronts historical evidence and personal recall. When a widow tells a collaborator, “You may think differently but you do the same. What difference does it make that you think differently?” it powerfully communicates real life complexity.

Health Care and Irrationality

Abraham Verghese says it better than I ever could: http://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2009/08/irrational-belief-breaks-down-the-rational-mind/23198/

Recent visit & activity

Well FINALLY the new book is done and is out to Wiley for copy editing. Allan Tasman tells me that it is the easiest project he has ever done with anyone. Perhaps that is because I had no ego tied up in it and I did the majority of the work. Victim of my own competence. So, we will see now how it sells.
Shannon and Jon and twins were here during the third week in March. Tara and Mike came up for a day during that time and it was so very cute to see the babies playing. Sophie and Alina hit it off right away. Jacqueline was a bit more demure, but she soon joined in on the fun. Photos on my facebook page. So, Brian and I are reading up a storm. I am in the home slide of a biography of Madame Chiang Kai Shek. What an extraordinary and despicable woman she was. As for Chiang, he was just as bad as Mao.
What I am learning is that the U.S. wasted countless taxpayer dollars arming him and he simply hoarded the weapons. Mao couldn't help but win because Chiang was so pusillanimous and Mao actually had an ideology that he could sell. What did Chiang have? Militaristic nationalism, corruption, and opium. Arrgghh. We had McCarthy hearings over all of this. A pox on both the communists and the Chiang Kai Shek crowd!
Life continues apace and well. We are thrilled about health care reform passing, although we would like to have had a public option. But policy is incremental and the GOP and their tea party lunatic fringe have been so obstructionistic, that we were lucky to get what we got.
I am sort of disappointed in the press in that they simply don't hammer home the realities of what is going on with health care and the fact that we have such a dismal track record when compared to the rest of the world. Just look at our infant mortality rate! It is disgraceful for the so called "best" health care system in the world. They don't talk nearly enough about the other health indicators. They also don't bother to point out to the nay sayers who talk about the waits in Canada and other public option countries that we have to wait here as well. People with HMOs have to wait -- I did for 48 hours before I had an MRI because the morons wouldn't approve it for my back pain. AND if one has no health insurance you wait forever. And die. At any rate there is so much for the press to argue. Perhaps they don't because the GOP-tea partiers simply do not listen and refuse to engage in any discourse that makes their position untenable. I found it interesting today that the NY Times pointed out that the tea partiers were > 80% Republican, many were out of work AND ON GOVERNMENT subsidies. But they want smaller government. Go figure.
So we saw Antony and Cleopatra this past weekend and then met the Tulmans for Thai food. The opera was interesting, but I don't need to see this one again. Far too much recitative, the tenor was weak, the soprano was the size of Precious (the movie) although she had a great voice, and the staging was really odd. It just did not work for me. Back to the more classic operas.
We attended our last lectures on cubism at the Museum of Art and they have left Brian hungry for more.
He will have to take an Art History course. I think he may have missed some foundational concepts since he had not ever taken art history and I had. Next year when I turn 65 and no more UMDNJ (bye-bye!) we will be able to audit courses at Bucks County Community College for free under their seniors program.
His new bee in bonnet is that he wants us to take Spanish to get ready for our trip to South America.
We had Alina for an overnight. What a joy it is to have her with us! When she runs through the meadow after Brian yelling "Dzia Dzio!" it is very touching. Her fun thing to do is to help him chase the Canada geese away. They are the bane of our existence during mating season.
Today we are meeting our Doylestown group for a class on pairing chocolate and wine. There goes the diet again, and next week we have two plays (how did THAT happen?) and another museum lecture on Indian art.
Ken and Bill are planning a belated birthday dinner for me and we are headed out to North Carolina to visit the twins, Shannon and Jon after that. Whew. Having fun is exhilarating and tiring.
I was friended on facebook by one of my neices who lives in Warsaw. What a cutie. Facebook can be both inane and a lot of fun. I think that it works well if one ignores and does not friend the purveyors of inanity. It is great when linked with goodreads. And I have learned a lot from my Polish groups that I have friended. Most of it has to do with what I have to learn and read before next year's trip to Poland and the family reunion.

The ongoing project

Whew it has been a whirlwind month. How refreshing it is to step out of our usual repertoire of reading choices. The book clubs have forced us to stretch and read things that neither of us would read -- for example Brian is reading some great fiction and I am reading more history. Now there's a reversal! But both of us are enjoying the ones that we read together. We had a blast reading Water for Elephants and both adored the book.
I so feel as if I am on a senior slide. It is an effort for me to get to the computer to finish up works in progress. But I finally managed to complete the full manuscript for the Tasman-Mohr collaboration. Yay! Luckily, being the important personage he is, Allan is not too timely so he did not notice me dragging my feet in the last few months. At work I find that I could really not care what is going on and I basically read a book through meetings. Always hated those anyway as they are such a waste of precious time.
Time -- ah yes -- what a precious commodity and more precious every day. I was reading an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer about a gambler. The guy is unemployed (lost job) has a wife and two kids and goes to the casino in Chester several times a week to -- as he puts it -- "kill time." Why would anyone want to kill time. Time is to fill with interesting things to do and things to learn -- not to kill. I wonder how many people out there (gambling addicts and others) are living lives of quiet and gray desperation where it is so dismal that they have to kill the precious commodity of time.
This past few weeks we met one of our "art of cooking" groups at a Venezualan Restaurant. Oh Yum. I've had a lot of cuisine, but never Venezualan. It was great! This group is run by a chef and he does interesting activities such as visiting the Terminal Market and the Italian Market, cooking classes, and sampling interesting fare across the city.
We attended an all Brahms performance at the symphony. The performance was wonderful, but Brahms is really not my favorite. I prefer more Romantic rather than Baroque and then my favorite, Berlioz, who was a true character, is always a treat. We attended the Picasso and the Avant Garde special exhibit. It was very well done and on Saturday we will be taking the first half of the course in cubism at the museum, so that will enrich what we saw. The last course we took (last month) was on the Renaissance and it was great. The U. of Penn. art history professor really brought the art and architecture to life, placing it in the context of what was going on historically and economically in Europe.
We visited Jon and Shannon for 4 days and took the kids to Gymboree and other kiddie activities. Jacqueline sure does like her Dziadzio, while Sophie seems to favor Babcia.
We watched Alina for a weekend while Tara and Mike went to the beer festival and she wore us out. The child has soooo much energy and she is always up and happy. What a temperament! She loves her Dziadzio, favoring him over me. We met the kids in Philly for lunch earlier this week for their anniversary and when she saw him in the restaurant, she yelled "Dziadzio!" at the top of her lungs and ran to him, throwing herself into his arms. It was truly a Kodak moment.
On a final note, sadly we had to put Wookie and Bevo down today. Wookie was almost 18 and Bevo was 15. They both had arthritis and had trouble going up and down the stairs. Wookie was in renal failure and drinking and peeing everywhere. Bevo was spraying to cover Wookie's scent. It became an untenable situation. This is the first time that we will be without an animal in over 30 years. Very sad.

Shotakovitch

Omigosh. We went to hear Shostakovitch’s 11th symphony yesterday. What a treat! Who knew that one could combine harps with percussion and make it all work. Brass, winds, drums, 2 harps, violas, violins, gongs, cymbals and actually some instruments that I did not even recognize came together to produce a symphonic performance that got the orchestra FOUR ovations. It was breathtaking. I have an attraction to some of the broodier (is that a word?) and more complex composers – Berlioz being my favorite followed probably by Shostakovitch. I suspect that complexity is in the eyes of the beholder in that Beethoven is very complex, but being an amateur and not a musician, I don’t have the musical sophistication to analyze. I just know what these composers do to my soul. Plus, I never grew up with classical music and did not even start developing that part of myself until I was well into my twenties. So – on to my impressions, amateurish though they may be. Dmitri Shostakovitch, much harassed by the Soviet state, manages to communicate a melancholic depth and profound sense of anguish in many of his symphonies, concertos, and quartets. He seems overly ambitious at times, but I suspect that what appears to be pretentiousness is actually a subtle satire of the Soviet state and its blustering bombastic swagger through history. Shostakovitch’s genius was that he could subtly thumb his nose at the Soviet censors and often (not always) they were too stupid to see it. The 11th symphony is a large-scale tribute to the "victory" of the Great October Revolution of 1917, composed on the 40th anniversary of the occasion. The mass demonstration of 1905 ended in the brutal slaughter of thousands of peaceful peasants and workers rising against the rule of Nicholas II. The minor key pervades. The first of the four movements is called "The Palace Square," setting the somber scene where the violent events of the day would occur. Shostakovitch includes two Russian prison songs in this movement. The second movement, "January 9th," pictures the workers' march through the streets and their slaughter. "Eternal Memory" is the title of the third movement, a pensive requiem, and in the last movement, "Alarm," the spirit of revolt returns, with militant songs and a triumphant, percussive finale. Bravo/brava Philadelphia Orchestra!

Self acceptance and self esteem - not an excuse to stop growing

I’ve been doing a lot of exploration into new activities as I approach my retirement. For certain I do not want to sit and rest on my laurels. I want to keep growing and keeping my brain and mind fresh and connect with others who both share similar and different interests. This is sometimes scary because it involves a certain risk. (What if people don’t like me?). It also means navigating between a the Scylla of self acceptance of who I am on the one hand, and the Charybdis of stagnation on the other. We hear so much about self-acceptance and the peace that comes with acceptance of oneself as a person. What is self-acceptance? Does it mean accepting your weaknesses or negative habits and doing nothing about them? Does this mean accepting your behavior, attitude and life style, and doing nothing to change and improve? This can be an easy way to give in to laziness, and to having good excuses for leaving everything as it is.
This kind of self-acceptance might make one feel a little better and alleviate feelings of inadequacy or anxieties about trying and learning new things, but it does not contribute to real progress and improvement. It is a recipe for stagnation.
The term self-acceptance seems not to be well explained and well understood. Accepting yourself as you are is only the first step. It helps you realize your good and not so good qualities, and can alleviate lack of self esteem, lack of satisfaction with life and the sense of unhappiness or the sense that things could have turned out differently “if only.” Reference, for example, Erik Erikson’s concepts of generativity v stagnation and integrity v despair.
Self-acceptance does not mean that you accept what you are and do nothing to change and improve. It does not mean accepting your fate and life as it is and it does not mean that others have to accept your behavior, no matter how annoying, offensive, rude or hurtful. For example, I overheard a colleague bemoaning a situation involving the students in his class who were beating a path to the dean’s office with complaints of his tardiness and curt, unhelpful responses to their oral and online communications. While I will be the first to admit that there are some really obnoxious students out there, this guy’s explanation that he “just can’t deal with all of these emails and online teaching and the dean shouldn’t assign these courses to me” and “That’s just the way I am. I am honest and will always be honest” seemed very much like excuses to me. There are ways to give students honest feedback without being offensive. I had to tell as student the other day that what he said to me was disrespectful, but I focused on the communication itself, not saying that HE was disrespectful – although he was and continued to be until he dropped my course. I wanted to say to my colleague: “So you are excusing your bad habits and the world should accept you for the jerk that you are? How self-absorbed of you.”
I believe that becoming aware and acknowledging your behavior, habits and your personality, and not being afraid to look at yourself as you are, is the first step to self-acceptance. Sometimes that means looking at yourself through the eyes of others and putting their feedback into the equation. Why? Not because your self-esteem depends on others, but because we humans receive information – of all kinds – from others. We are not islands unto ourselves. It is important to understand how a many different people see us and how they see different situations and compare their views to yours. It is the skill of reality testing and the basis of reality. Indeed the reason that ASD folks are so impaired socially is that they either are unable to process how others respond to them or situate themselves within a reciprocal relationship.
So, self acceptance is a good thing, because when you accept yourself as you are, you put yourself in a better position to begin improving yourself, opening yourself up to possibilities, and keeping life interesting.
Improvement requires that you understand and acknowledge your character and habits, stop comparing yourself and your achievements to others, and acknowledging your skills or the lack of them. This will bring some sort of inner peace, lightness and happiness, like getting rid if a burden. Acknowledging good and bad habits and traits of character can alleviate feelings of dissatisfaction, anger, resentment or unhappiness, but it is not an excuse for staying as you are, it is only the first step.

Mission working!

Well, I am really pleased at my project to avoid stagnation in retirement that I started recently. Even though retirement is a year and a few months away, it was good to start it early so that we know what is out there and to get into the groove of things. We have joined 2 book clubs and that has forced us to step out of the usual material that we read. Brian has gone beyond reading just history and economics/finance and has actually read TWO novels and is reading Water for Elephants right now. I have stepped out of my mystery comfort zone as well, although my reading habits were always more eclectic than his and included non-fiction. Goodreads has been a great way to track readings and check on people's reactions to books. One of the most amazing two I read were The Soloist and The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, among others.
The dining and wine and empty nesters groups have proved a new way of meeting like minded people. And I am really looking forward to the group run by Chef Drummond of the Continental and the culture groups.
The family membership at the museum is a fabulous source of new and exciting knowledge. We went to a tour of Japanese decorative arts and learned a great deal from the wonderderful docent who spoke and we came away with a whole new appreciation of Japanese art. Before, we would have looked at it and simply said it was pretty or interesting. We're doing the Raja exhibit this week followed by the orchestra which is always a joy.
The Polish lessons are paying off, although those are coming to an end soon. They have proved super in terms of corresponding coherently with my family in Poland.
We've been seeing a lot of performances that we wouldn't have seen without the push of the "project in progress". Walnut St. Theater's The Prince got terrible reviews, but it was actually a great little 2 man play about a Vince Fumo type of politician. Very entertaining and enlightening. We look forward to Travel's with my Aunt.
There's also a fine LGBTF place here called the Nevermore and the people are very inclusive and fun. The guy who owns my beauty parlor urged me to come to events there and we have been delighted with the reception. We've been to some super wine tasting meals and shows there. All in all, we just have to keep up the momentum. This is life beyond your job, kids and grandkids -- although I would never give up the latter two! Just got back from N.C. and will be watching Alina next weekend. Look forward to Shannon and Jon's visit in March when we plan to go to trivia night at Via Ponte among other fun events. Life is awfully good when you stretch.

Meetings ARRGGHH!

Another reason to be retiring: Meetings. Meetings are the bane of academic culture. Meetings, in academe, are inefficient, intrusive, ego-tripping power grabs. Political types love meetings. Lonely people love meetings. Get-a-Life types love meetings. Non tenured brownnosers love meetings. I qualify as none of the above. For every ten meetings I get sucked into, one is necessary. Meetings are usually initiated by people who have nothing better to do with their time – people who demand to be the bull’s-eye of attention. At work, I duck all the meetings I can because I am anal about getting work done, and for each minute or each hour I spend in a useless meeting, that's one minute or one hour where my very necessary work doesn't get done. I attend meetings – all the time – wherein people gab for the sake of gabbing, and demand center stage for the sake of attention and ego tripping. Most people who run meetings lose control of the meetings. Often people who babble in meetings do not engage their brains before speaking and talk about things that are not on task or on the agenda, and the person running the meeting has no idea how to redirect the person or simply say: “We can put that on the agenda for next week if you like.”
Then there are meetings that do not start on time and meetings to which the chronically tardy are consistently late. Such lateness may not be some kind of passive-aggressive statement, but it can be a pain for several reasons. Let’s take the meeting. First of all, I came to the meeting on time and had to sit through the introductory remarks which can often be a boring rehash of previous info. Then here comes the Late Great Meeting Attendee ten minutes late and we have to start all over and I have to hear the rehash rehashed. I have a very low threshold for boredom so this is excruciating for me. I’m also on a tight schedule scholarship wise as well and would like to get in and get out of the meeting as quickly as possible. Also, and maybe it’s just me, but isn’t there a measure of arrogance attached to someone who doesn’t seem to be bothered with the same time constraints everyone else in the room deigned to obey? Is anyone so important they can consistently waste the time of their co-workers?

Learning Polish

I have spoken fluent and fairly literate Polish all of my life. Funny that my brother’s Polish is awful, yet mine is clear and precise – although I will be the first to admit that I need an infusion of vocabulary and I do stumble sometimes in conversation. I have always wondered about the discrepancy as we were both raised in the same Polish household. I sent him a copy of Henryk Sienkiewicz’s trilogy to watch and he was unable to negotiate the formal Polish – an interesting state of affairs. I can only surmise that I have the head for languages and I like languages. One pays attention and places importance upon that which interests them. Recently my involvement in the Polish community in Philly and environs and watching Polish TV has probably helped my vocabulary as well. It has also given me a great appreciation for the formal language and its beauty – sort of like listening to formal English when correctly pronounced.
We are planning on a family reunion in Sandomierz and in preparing to join my extended family at this event I have started taking internet classes on reading and writing. After all, the onus will be on me to translate spoken and written. Although I suspect that my neices and nephews will be able to negotiate quite well in English with their cousins.
Needless to say, Shannon, who does EVERYTHING precisely and in-depth and who has an innate curiosity about the world and learning whatever she can, has started investigating all things Polish and even joined the local Polish American group. Tara is more laissez faire about life in general and makes fun of her sister’s seriousness – although she herself has many hobbies and interests.
Anyway, I digress. My self-improvement in this area has taught me more than just the fact that I need better vocabulary and to quit mixing up my “z-s.” It has reinforced a number of concepts. I post them here because I know my kids read my blog.
In the Polish language there is great complexity when dealing with forms of address. Polish IS a very formal language. And people may take offense when they’re not addressed properly. A few months ago I was out with a group of friends and strangers, foreigners and Poles. I chatted with one lady in English, turned out she was Polish, so I switched to Polish. Because in English, I addressed her as “you”, I didn’t even think twice about using the same form in Polish – “ty”. She was my age, yet her response was an icy stare and an even icier “Ja z tobą krów nie pasałam” (I didn’t tend cows with you) which is a nasty warning to a person talking to you (me in this case) that he/she has breached the Pan/Pani barrier. OOPS! Apparently, that means you’re only allowed to use “you/ty” to people with whom you were tending cows at some point in the past, or somesuch. So, how do you maneuver this minefield of Polish courtesy expressions? I asked several people and got several answers. This is more or less the general consensus:
• 1. If you don’t know someone, address them as Pan/Pani (Sir, Madam) until you know them well and have a mutual agreement that you will switch to the informal you/ty.
• 2. Within your family it is generally ok to use the you/ty except that the “intelligentsia” older generation Poles do not address their elder family members (father, mother, aunt, uncle etc.) in the familiar either. This is probably a generational thing. There are also some complex exceptions to the family as well. In some instances one uses the third person when addressing older relatives. OY!
• 3. If the person you’re addressing is much, much younger than you, then you’re safe using the familiar.

Diminutives are very popular in Polish (and are by no means reserved for children). The Polish language allows for a great deal of creativity. Most diminutives are formed by adding a suffix. Male names it may be -ek or the more affectionate -uś; for female names it may be -ka, or -nia / -dzia / -sia / cia respectively. For example, Maria has a particularly great number of possible diminutives, which include: Marysia, Maryśka, Marysieńka, Marychna, Mania, Mańka, Maniusia, , Maryna, Marianna.
The Polish language is also undergoing radical changes because of the sudden globalization movement and open boundaries. New areas of technology, new concepts, and continuous innovations bring into life new vocabulary, which gets quickly adopted in all kinds of languages around the world. This process, vigorously opposed to in some countries for the language impurity, is enthusiastically embraced in other counties. In case of Poland, there are probably as many supporters as there are critics of the new trends in Polish language. Sort of like the French and the battle in France and Quebec against the encroachment of English.
The formal literary Polish language (a beautiful thing when one knows what to listen for) is usually very carefully revised and approved by linguistic experts. They test new expressions for compliance with existing rules that regulate what is correct or incorrect in Polish native tongue. While up to a decade ago, the language was changing in a very slow motion; the last several years abounded with incredible invasion of new foreign phrases and terms to define the progress that has come from the West. There are words like shop, weekend, link, Internet, show business, gay, email, etc. that surround people everywhere and force a foreign language upon them. Now, the Polish language experts face a great challenge. How do those foreign words behave in Polish language? Should they be spelled as the original spelling calls for, or should they be spelled as the sounds are heard, which is commonly known by Poles? But if they are spelled in accordance to the sound rule, so "the show business" becomes "szoł biznes", or "weekend" becomes "łikend", there lurk other conflicts. In formal Polish language, some letters don't follow others. For instance, "ł" is never followed by "i", thus "łikend" is not an option. On the other hand, there are no easy ways to get a widely acceptable Polish translation for those new concepts. While weekend means the end of a week and as such could be translated word for word, the Polish translation is long and not as precise as weekend can be. Similar is a case with other words, such as email and business or even funnier – cell phone (cell as in the unit of biology is komura and Poles have literally translated cell phone into the word “komurka” or “telefon komurkowy.” Although, there are a couple of linguistic Polish versions of business to express the same concept, most of them are long and not as easy to say as biznes is. Some words, like email, are an ultimate challenge since there are substitutes for them in formal Polish language. Hence “imejl.” Holy cow! Or “gej” – double holy cow. And again there is the word for “HIV” which is “chif” -- pronounced "heef" (there is rarely a stand alone h and traditionally no “v.” Oh my!
Finally, the issue of rude or vulgar words is important. Polish curse words are very strange. Cholera – meaning just what it is – the disease of cholera would not be a rude word in English but it is in Polish – analogous to shit. Parenthetically, I learned the other day that in Italian curse words are frequently related to churchy issues – so in Italian a curse word might be the word for chalice. Odd, but it might reflect the Italians' view of the Catholic church. Who knows.
One of the very most rude and vulgar words is one that we don’t spend much time thinking about. It is the word for “whore” – kurwa. Even worse is “kurwa twoja macz.” So far as I can see both are summarily beeped out of even the raciest programs on Polish TV on the rare times they manages to come up. Admittedly they are ugly word to hear, sort of like f—k and its derivatives, but why the word for whore receives special censorship is odd to me, although I do remember neither my mother or father using the word in front of me. They did use a lot of cholera, occasionally prefaced by the adjective “jasny” meaning light or bright. Hence bright cholera.
So enough of my thoughts and back to my self-improvement efforts.

Anniversary of the Katyn Forest Murders

The Katyn Forest murders happened over fifty years ago and it is the anniversary of that brutal event. Several Polish groups are having discussions about Waja’s movie Katyn and about the books written about the topic over the years. It is still as moving, infuriating and shocking as the first time that I read about it. It is the story of 15,000 Polish army officers who were sent to concentration camps by the Soviet Russians in 1939 when they invaded the eastern half of Poland to 'help' fight the Nazis. It tells how the Soviets used the Nazi invasion as an excuse to invade and control Poland and to disband and arrest its army and send them to forced labor camps throughout the USSR. When the Nazis turned on the USSR and they began to retreat back into the Soviet heartland they evacuated many of the camps and sent the prisoners north. But in a number of cases the prisoners were slaughtered, either in the camps or elsewhere, including many of the Polish soldiers who had been arrested for simply defending their country.

Once the USSR switched sides following the Nazi invasion into Soviet held areas, the Polish government started trying to locate their missing men and so began over a year and half of lies and deceit by some within the USSR. It wasn't until the Nazis took over the area of Katyn Forest that the graves in which the soldiers had been buried were found and excavated and the truth began to come to light. However, even after this and the huge body of evidence showing that the bodies were some of those missing and that they had obviously been slaughtered en masse in the spring of 1940, the USSR continued to deny involvement and blame the Nazis. Even during the Nuremburg Trials where this case was heard it wasn't resolved. It wasn't until 1990 that the Russian authorities finally admitted that the massacre was committed by the Russian Secret Police (the NKVD) and that the locations of the remaining Polish soldiers murdered at the time came to light (at Mednoye and Piatykhatky)

There were two things that really surprised and angered me when reading various history books about this topic. The first is the even though it was obvious that the Nazis hadn't committed this crime (for a change) and that it could only have been committed by the USSR the Allied Governments did not push for justice as they should have done. Many have put this down to the fact that it was war time and the USSR was an important ally and they wanted to avoid the possibility of an alliance between Germany and the USSR, which is understandable. But when the war had been won, I don't understand why the Allies didn't push for a full independent inquiry and bring a proper full balanced case against the USSR during the Nuremburg Trials. In the end it was the USSR themselves that tried the case, how this was allowed is beyond me.

The second is that during the war, requests were put into the International Red Cross by both the Polish and German governments for them to conduct a full independent and unbiased investigation into what happened. It should be noted that it was actually the German government who requested one first. However these requests were denied on the basis that the USSR didn't want an investigation despite the fact that the two requests would normally be enough to start an investigation. This decision resulted in the Nazis trying to conduct an independent investigation in full view of many different people as possible, but this would never be accepted by the USSR. This attitude from the International Red Cross greatly surprised angered and sickened me as they are built on the promise of independent unbiased justice in situations such as these and yet they failed those soldiers at Katyn, Mednoye and Piatykhatky. Had they got involved how different would things have been? How much sooner would the families of those killed known what had happened?

Whether you read the history books, or you watch Andrzej Wajda’s award winning movie, this is a very emotive, moving and infuriating tale that shows how the might of the former USSR controlled and influenced many decisions and actions (or the lack thereof) during and after the Second World War. I find it incredibly sad that it was the Nazis who brought this massacre to light and worked with the Polish government to try and get it investigated and the guilty brought to justice, even if it was for their own propaganda.
This may be a harsh assessment about what happened post WW II and how Roosevelt sold Eastern Europe to the Soviets. Perhaps reading the new book on what happened at Yalta will soften my opinion to some degree. I have just reserved Plokhy’s Yalta: The Price of Peace in which he gives a blow by blow account of what happened. Here is the WSJ review: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704259304575043561664524730.html

Is it funny?

Humor is a funny thing (pun intended). What might tickle you does nothing for me and vice versa. It’s extremely culturally sensitive and assumes both sender and receiver share similar values which enable both to “get it.” We connect with certain types of humor based on our upbringing, education, life experiences, and even social status. Humor is powerful. There are few things in life more intoxicating than being able to make people laugh. But it can also be dangerous.
Humor can be extremely volatile, especially when it goes beyond mere word play or wit. We’ve all heard or perhaps even shared, on occasion, jokes at the expense of others. I would be lying if I did not admit these jokes are sometimes quite funny. But where do we draw the line between a funny observation and something patently offensive? And shouldn’t I be mature enough to know when I might be potentially crossing that line?
Recently, two political cartoons came under fire for their allusions to the president and black stereotypes. One of the cartoons, which appeared in the February 18, 2009 edition of the NY Post, shows a chimpanzee shot dead by two police officers with the caption reading, “They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill.”
A second carton, distributed a few days later, shows a picture of the White House, but instead of the lawn being covered in grass, it’s covered by a watermelon patch – the joke being there’ll be no Easter egg hunt this year, now that a black family occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
In both cases, the author/sender of the cartoon defends their actions by claiming a level of ignorance or in the case of the Post, that it was merely parodying a recent news event. But is either of those excuses legitimate? While it might be true the Post cartoon followed a recent incident where police shot to death a chimp after it attacked its owner’s best friend, it’s hard to believe the creator of the cartoon or the editor who published it was not aware of how black people were often portrayed as monkeys and how this political cartoon could be construed as a jab at the president. While the president should not be immune to criticism, the editor at the Post should not have been surprised at the vehement reaction.
The second cartoon is a little more problematic. As I explained earlier, it shows a White House lawn covered in a watermelon patch. The mayor of the Southern California suburb of Los Alamitos thought it was funny and decided to pass it on. Unfortunately for him, one of the recipients was black, wasn't so forgiving, and didn’t see the humor and saw the racial stereotype embedded within the joke. I will be honest with you, despite the fact it reached for the lowest common denominator, I thought it was mildly humorous, though offensive. But I am not black. Though he ultimately resigned, my problem is how the mayor, Dean Grose, had no idea how it could be perceived as racist. Is he that ignorant of history? And if he really didn’t know the stereotype of blacks and watermelons, what was so funny? I find it difficult to believe he would have found the humor in the cartoon had it shown a strawberry patch instead.
If I’m smart enough to know that some people might see it as funny, I should be smart enough to know the reasons why some people may find it painful and offensive. Isn’t it funny we all can’t see it that way?
In a great post on the Chronicle of Higher Ed, Gina Barreca asks how women deal with sexual harassment or sexism dressed up as a joke. I love this conundrum, because it is SO common. Who hasn't heard some appallingly sexist (or racist, or homophobic) comment explained away with a "just kidding" or a laugh or a comment about not having a sense of humor?
For example, after Liz Carpenter worked for the Johnson administration she wrote a book about her experiences working at the White House. The book was out for a while, did pretty well. One evening she met Arthur Schlesinger at a cocktail party. He came over to her and smiled and said "Like your book Liz. Who wrote it for you?"
Now, clearly dear Arthur meant this as his little joke. If she had stammered and blushed, he would win the point. He could then say, "see, you just can't joke around with these women." If she'd pounded her fist on the table and threatened to call a lawyer, he could say the same thing.
Instead what Carpenter did was to say in response, "Glad you liked it, Arthur. Who read it to you?"
I wish I was that quick! Was that a cool rejoinder or WHAT?!

Facebook

Though Facebook’s mission is “giving people the power to share and make the world more open and connected,” the underlying power of Facebook is its ability to disconnect people. Some people are giving up opportunities to hang out with real people in order to distract themselves by staying connected through Facebook. Facebook is like TV. If you stand outside someone’s home and watch the light coming out, you’ll notice that it flickers. TV flickers to make us constantly look at it. Facebook is the same way in that you can constantly check status updates right as they pop up. And you can play games without the benefit of human contact for days. I find it worrisome and wonder if what I am seeing in terms of my students’ increasingly crude, rude, and disrespectful behaviors are not a part of this kind of disconnection from the self correction that comes with having to interact civilly with others.

I like Facebook for having connected me to some nice folks from my past. But I don’t understand the need to know what someone is eating for breakfast via his or her Facebook status or Twitter update. People are creating substance out of nothing – simulacra in Baudrillard’s parlance (as much as I am not a fan of postmodernism).

With Twitter, Facebook, Second Life, video games and e-mail, our life is saturated by virtual friendships at the expense of real relationships, although there are times when I prefer emailing some folks to talking with them on the phone.

Author and educator, Michael Bugeja has been heavily involved in researching and studying how people have fallen into an “interpersonal divide,” which is “the void that develops when we spend too much time in virtual rather than real communities, neglecting our primary relationships and with that, our sense of self,” according to Bugeja’s Web site, www.interpersonal-divide.org.

YAY retirement upon me!

I am having more fun planning retirement. My last month at UMDNJ will be May 1, 2011. No more faculty meetings; no more rude and disrespectful students who don't want to work and who think nothing of cheating. I guess I have to ammend that last about students in that the ones in my track (child) are the cream of the crop and I have enjoyed them. But in general -- nursing sure isn't what it used to be.
Meanwhile there is a whole world out there to actually enjoy. We already have a month trip to Poland planned for May of 2011. My family will be having a reunion in Sandomierz and it looks as though the Goldfines and the Thornburgs will be coming along as well. Hope that in laws can baby sit.
We have joined a book and wine club, a wine and dine club, an empty nesters group, and a movie and dinner club and we've bought the family membership at the Phila museum of Art and have started going to lectures already. Then there is the symphony, the opera, the Broadway series, ANG, EGA, and Polish reading and writing classes. Holy moly we may be busier in full retirement mode. Life is gonna be good and hopefully we can keep the neurons firing well and keep growing in our "golden" years. It's never too late to grow and learn and have fun.