death in family

So, sad news -- but perhaps not. Yesterday Brian's father died suddenly while on a trip to the Grand Canyon with his wife, Jill. One minute he was looking at it and the next he had simply died. She was pretty distraught when she called Brian last night. Of course, he being the only rationale and empathic member out of a toxic crew of 6, he was asked to call all of them to pass on the news. Being the kind person that he is, he did, although it was not a whole lot of fun. Glad that is over and I really feel for Jill to have to go back and undoubtedly be treated abominably by the wicked stepdaughters. I cringe for her.
So, how do I feel about all of this? I am glad that my father-in-law did not suffer. If one does not depart this life in one's sleep, one should depart as suddenly and painlessly as Jack did. I really feel bad for Brian on many levels. He loved his father and his father loved him in his own strange way. He will mourn his passing and miss having him in his life.

Katyn -- the gift that keeps giving

Yesterday we awoke to find that Poland's leadership was decimated in a tragic plane crash on the way to a memorial commemorating the victims of the Katyn forest murders. Being a bit paranoid on the issue of Russia, I defaulted to my position that they must have had something to do with it. Sabatoge. Of course that is a bit crazy. But I think that we need to spread the word about what Katyn was and why it is important. So I highly recommend learning about this nasty piece of history. University of Illinois professor, Allen Paul, has a great book out on the topic. He has recently updated it. Also, the film, Katyn is exceedingly powerful. Katyn is now available with English subtitles. It is a film by Andrzej Wajda, one of the world’s greatest filmmakers, who shows generations of his countrymen – (and the rest of the world) what they were told not to think about. With its mournful score, muted cinematography and restrained performances, this is a work of sober commemoration. Hopefully it brings some small measure of rest to the 22,000 innocents who were slaughtered by the Soviets for no other reason than to purge Poland of its intelligentsia. It is a story of personal legends, of unknown soldiers and civilians. Wajda unravels their various narrative strands, like a desperately ripped flag, a national tragedy doesn’t cease, it haunts.
The collective, spiritual crisis of post war Poles is sharpened by the introduction of documentary footage, juxtaposed with children looking for a Christmas tree during the Occupation then an open-air screening of propaganda films absolving Russia of the Katyn massacre. Wajda confronts historical evidence and personal recall. When a widow tells a collaborator, “You may think differently but you do the same. What difference does it make that you think differently?” it powerfully communicates real life complexity.

Health Care and Irrationality

Abraham Verghese says it better than I ever could: http://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2009/08/irrational-belief-breaks-down-the-rational-mind/23198/

Recent visit & activity

Well FINALLY the new book is done and is out to Wiley for copy editing. Allan Tasman tells me that it is the easiest project he has ever done with anyone. Perhaps that is because I had no ego tied up in it and I did the majority of the work. Victim of my own competence. So, we will see now how it sells.
Shannon and Jon and twins were here during the third week in March. Tara and Mike came up for a day during that time and it was so very cute to see the babies playing. Sophie and Alina hit it off right away. Jacqueline was a bit more demure, but she soon joined in on the fun. Photos on my facebook page. So, Brian and I are reading up a storm. I am in the home slide of a biography of Madame Chiang Kai Shek. What an extraordinary and despicable woman she was. As for Chiang, he was just as bad as Mao.
What I am learning is that the U.S. wasted countless taxpayer dollars arming him and he simply hoarded the weapons. Mao couldn't help but win because Chiang was so pusillanimous and Mao actually had an ideology that he could sell. What did Chiang have? Militaristic nationalism, corruption, and opium. Arrgghh. We had McCarthy hearings over all of this. A pox on both the communists and the Chiang Kai Shek crowd!
Life continues apace and well. We are thrilled about health care reform passing, although we would like to have had a public option. But policy is incremental and the GOP and their tea party lunatic fringe have been so obstructionistic, that we were lucky to get what we got.
I am sort of disappointed in the press in that they simply don't hammer home the realities of what is going on with health care and the fact that we have such a dismal track record when compared to the rest of the world. Just look at our infant mortality rate! It is disgraceful for the so called "best" health care system in the world. They don't talk nearly enough about the other health indicators. They also don't bother to point out to the nay sayers who talk about the waits in Canada and other public option countries that we have to wait here as well. People with HMOs have to wait -- I did for 48 hours before I had an MRI because the morons wouldn't approve it for my back pain. AND if one has no health insurance you wait forever. And die. At any rate there is so much for the press to argue. Perhaps they don't because the GOP-tea partiers simply do not listen and refuse to engage in any discourse that makes their position untenable. I found it interesting today that the NY Times pointed out that the tea partiers were > 80% Republican, many were out of work AND ON GOVERNMENT subsidies. But they want smaller government. Go figure.
So we saw Antony and Cleopatra this past weekend and then met the Tulmans for Thai food. The opera was interesting, but I don't need to see this one again. Far too much recitative, the tenor was weak, the soprano was the size of Precious (the movie) although she had a great voice, and the staging was really odd. It just did not work for me. Back to the more classic operas.
We attended our last lectures on cubism at the Museum of Art and they have left Brian hungry for more.
He will have to take an Art History course. I think he may have missed some foundational concepts since he had not ever taken art history and I had. Next year when I turn 65 and no more UMDNJ (bye-bye!) we will be able to audit courses at Bucks County Community College for free under their seniors program.
His new bee in bonnet is that he wants us to take Spanish to get ready for our trip to South America.
We had Alina for an overnight. What a joy it is to have her with us! When she runs through the meadow after Brian yelling "Dzia Dzio!" it is very touching. Her fun thing to do is to help him chase the Canada geese away. They are the bane of our existence during mating season.
Today we are meeting our Doylestown group for a class on pairing chocolate and wine. There goes the diet again, and next week we have two plays (how did THAT happen?) and another museum lecture on Indian art.
Ken and Bill are planning a belated birthday dinner for me and we are headed out to North Carolina to visit the twins, Shannon and Jon after that. Whew. Having fun is exhilarating and tiring.
I was friended on facebook by one of my neices who lives in Warsaw. What a cutie. Facebook can be both inane and a lot of fun. I think that it works well if one ignores and does not friend the purveyors of inanity. It is great when linked with goodreads. And I have learned a lot from my Polish groups that I have friended. Most of it has to do with what I have to learn and read before next year's trip to Poland and the family reunion.

The ongoing project

Whew it has been a whirlwind month. How refreshing it is to step out of our usual repertoire of reading choices. The book clubs have forced us to stretch and read things that neither of us would read -- for example Brian is reading some great fiction and I am reading more history. Now there's a reversal! But both of us are enjoying the ones that we read together. We had a blast reading Water for Elephants and both adored the book.
I so feel as if I am on a senior slide. It is an effort for me to get to the computer to finish up works in progress. But I finally managed to complete the full manuscript for the Tasman-Mohr collaboration. Yay! Luckily, being the important personage he is, Allan is not too timely so he did not notice me dragging my feet in the last few months. At work I find that I could really not care what is going on and I basically read a book through meetings. Always hated those anyway as they are such a waste of precious time.
Time -- ah yes -- what a precious commodity and more precious every day. I was reading an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer about a gambler. The guy is unemployed (lost job) has a wife and two kids and goes to the casino in Chester several times a week to -- as he puts it -- "kill time." Why would anyone want to kill time. Time is to fill with interesting things to do and things to learn -- not to kill. I wonder how many people out there (gambling addicts and others) are living lives of quiet and gray desperation where it is so dismal that they have to kill the precious commodity of time.
This past few weeks we met one of our "art of cooking" groups at a Venezualan Restaurant. Oh Yum. I've had a lot of cuisine, but never Venezualan. It was great! This group is run by a chef and he does interesting activities such as visiting the Terminal Market and the Italian Market, cooking classes, and sampling interesting fare across the city.
We attended an all Brahms performance at the symphony. The performance was wonderful, but Brahms is really not my favorite. I prefer more Romantic rather than Baroque and then my favorite, Berlioz, who was a true character, is always a treat. We attended the Picasso and the Avant Garde special exhibit. It was very well done and on Saturday we will be taking the first half of the course in cubism at the museum, so that will enrich what we saw. The last course we took (last month) was on the Renaissance and it was great. The U. of Penn. art history professor really brought the art and architecture to life, placing it in the context of what was going on historically and economically in Europe.
We visited Jon and Shannon for 4 days and took the kids to Gymboree and other kiddie activities. Jacqueline sure does like her Dziadzio, while Sophie seems to favor Babcia.
We watched Alina for a weekend while Tara and Mike went to the beer festival and she wore us out. The child has soooo much energy and she is always up and happy. What a temperament! She loves her Dziadzio, favoring him over me. We met the kids in Philly for lunch earlier this week for their anniversary and when she saw him in the restaurant, she yelled "Dziadzio!" at the top of her lungs and ran to him, throwing herself into his arms. It was truly a Kodak moment.
On a final note, sadly we had to put Wookie and Bevo down today. Wookie was almost 18 and Bevo was 15. They both had arthritis and had trouble going up and down the stairs. Wookie was in renal failure and drinking and peeing everywhere. Bevo was spraying to cover Wookie's scent. It became an untenable situation. This is the first time that we will be without an animal in over 30 years. Very sad.

Shotakovitch

Omigosh. We went to hear Shostakovitch’s 11th symphony yesterday. What a treat! Who knew that one could combine harps with percussion and make it all work. Brass, winds, drums, 2 harps, violas, violins, gongs, cymbals and actually some instruments that I did not even recognize came together to produce a symphonic performance that got the orchestra FOUR ovations. It was breathtaking. I have an attraction to some of the broodier (is that a word?) and more complex composers – Berlioz being my favorite followed probably by Shostakovitch. I suspect that complexity is in the eyes of the beholder in that Beethoven is very complex, but being an amateur and not a musician, I don’t have the musical sophistication to analyze. I just know what these composers do to my soul. Plus, I never grew up with classical music and did not even start developing that part of myself until I was well into my twenties. So – on to my impressions, amateurish though they may be. Dmitri Shostakovitch, much harassed by the Soviet state, manages to communicate a melancholic depth and profound sense of anguish in many of his symphonies, concertos, and quartets. He seems overly ambitious at times, but I suspect that what appears to be pretentiousness is actually a subtle satire of the Soviet state and its blustering bombastic swagger through history. Shostakovitch’s genius was that he could subtly thumb his nose at the Soviet censors and often (not always) they were too stupid to see it. The 11th symphony is a large-scale tribute to the "victory" of the Great October Revolution of 1917, composed on the 40th anniversary of the occasion. The mass demonstration of 1905 ended in the brutal slaughter of thousands of peaceful peasants and workers rising against the rule of Nicholas II. The minor key pervades. The first of the four movements is called "The Palace Square," setting the somber scene where the violent events of the day would occur. Shostakovitch includes two Russian prison songs in this movement. The second movement, "January 9th," pictures the workers' march through the streets and their slaughter. "Eternal Memory" is the title of the third movement, a pensive requiem, and in the last movement, "Alarm," the spirit of revolt returns, with militant songs and a triumphant, percussive finale. Bravo/brava Philadelphia Orchestra!

Self acceptance and self esteem - not an excuse to stop growing

I’ve been doing a lot of exploration into new activities as I approach my retirement. For certain I do not want to sit and rest on my laurels. I want to keep growing and keeping my brain and mind fresh and connect with others who both share similar and different interests. This is sometimes scary because it involves a certain risk. (What if people don’t like me?). It also means navigating between a the Scylla of self acceptance of who I am on the one hand, and the Charybdis of stagnation on the other. We hear so much about self-acceptance and the peace that comes with acceptance of oneself as a person. What is self-acceptance? Does it mean accepting your weaknesses or negative habits and doing nothing about them? Does this mean accepting your behavior, attitude and life style, and doing nothing to change and improve? This can be an easy way to give in to laziness, and to having good excuses for leaving everything as it is.
This kind of self-acceptance might make one feel a little better and alleviate feelings of inadequacy or anxieties about trying and learning new things, but it does not contribute to real progress and improvement. It is a recipe for stagnation.
The term self-acceptance seems not to be well explained and well understood. Accepting yourself as you are is only the first step. It helps you realize your good and not so good qualities, and can alleviate lack of self esteem, lack of satisfaction with life and the sense of unhappiness or the sense that things could have turned out differently “if only.” Reference, for example, Erik Erikson’s concepts of generativity v stagnation and integrity v despair.
Self-acceptance does not mean that you accept what you are and do nothing to change and improve. It does not mean accepting your fate and life as it is and it does not mean that others have to accept your behavior, no matter how annoying, offensive, rude or hurtful. For example, I overheard a colleague bemoaning a situation involving the students in his class who were beating a path to the dean’s office with complaints of his tardiness and curt, unhelpful responses to their oral and online communications. While I will be the first to admit that there are some really obnoxious students out there, this guy’s explanation that he “just can’t deal with all of these emails and online teaching and the dean shouldn’t assign these courses to me” and “That’s just the way I am. I am honest and will always be honest” seemed very much like excuses to me. There are ways to give students honest feedback without being offensive. I had to tell as student the other day that what he said to me was disrespectful, but I focused on the communication itself, not saying that HE was disrespectful – although he was and continued to be until he dropped my course. I wanted to say to my colleague: “So you are excusing your bad habits and the world should accept you for the jerk that you are? How self-absorbed of you.”
I believe that becoming aware and acknowledging your behavior, habits and your personality, and not being afraid to look at yourself as you are, is the first step to self-acceptance. Sometimes that means looking at yourself through the eyes of others and putting their feedback into the equation. Why? Not because your self-esteem depends on others, but because we humans receive information – of all kinds – from others. We are not islands unto ourselves. It is important to understand how a many different people see us and how they see different situations and compare their views to yours. It is the skill of reality testing and the basis of reality. Indeed the reason that ASD folks are so impaired socially is that they either are unable to process how others respond to them or situate themselves within a reciprocal relationship.
So, self acceptance is a good thing, because when you accept yourself as you are, you put yourself in a better position to begin improving yourself, opening yourself up to possibilities, and keeping life interesting.
Improvement requires that you understand and acknowledge your character and habits, stop comparing yourself and your achievements to others, and acknowledging your skills or the lack of them. This will bring some sort of inner peace, lightness and happiness, like getting rid if a burden. Acknowledging good and bad habits and traits of character can alleviate feelings of dissatisfaction, anger, resentment or unhappiness, but it is not an excuse for staying as you are, it is only the first step.